New People
I’m relieved that fertilized eggs aren’t considered people by the good citizens of Mississippi as of yesterday’s vote. It’s getting confusing keeping up with all the new people when I’m walking around. When I pass a Wells Fargo Bank I find myself saying “good afternoon sir, good morning, mam,” ever since the Citizen’s United case was decided by the Supreme Court. I would hate to have to apoligize to him/her every time I break a fertilized egg to poach. Dog lovers (almost everyone in San Diego) expect me to address their dogs as people. There is a Dog restaurant on University Avenue, also a Dog boutique and a Dog Mani- and Pedicurist. Everything wants to be a person now, it seems. My question is, why don’t the people, and here I mean the ones walking around on two legs, the human variety, why don’t they act more like people? Most of them act like machines, predictable and confined. Perhaps that’s why we need new people. My vote, if I get one, for the next ”personhood” entry is every little fish-tailing sperm seed on the earth. Talk about new people, the Earth’s population would be too high to count. And a lot of them would be in me, down there, you know? I need some new friends.